Breaking the Silence

I'm coming out of hiatus today and breaking the blog silence because I'm in a somber mood of sorts, so I figure if I get the thoughts out of my head, I may feel better but some how I don't think that will exactly do the trick but its worth a shot. A year ago today a dear friend of mine died while doing something she loved to do. Just as I was thankful this time last year for the time I got to spend knowing her and being her friend I'm still thankful on this day. I woke up Sunday and was thinking about her because it was the day of the Marathon that she died running in. As I was driving to church I was fighting back the tears just as I've been fighting them back at work most of the day. I don't want to cry or be sad because she's gone, I want remember the good times we shared, the laughs, the jokes, the good memories that I'll always have of her. It's hard to not think about what her husband and family must be going through during this time of year. It's supposed to be the "most wonderful time of the year" yet, I know they probably have knots in their stomachs and tears in their eyes thinking about what might have been.

I have a birthday coming up and I've never been one to really get all excited and make a big deal out of my birthday (except when I turned 21 (for obvious reasons back then) and turning 25(insurance dropped!)) but thinking of how quickly Erin's life was taken and how young she was makes me appreciative to be able to see another year come and go. On this day I am reminded that the faithful love of the Lord never ends, His mercies never cease; Great is His faithfulness; his mercies begin fresh every morning. I'll never understand her death and it's not for me to understand, as I said a year ago, God is God and He's still in control.

I pray today that her husband Jeff and her parents/brother and all of us who were her friends are comforted by the Holy Spirit as we remember her wonderful life.

Thinking of you and missing you Erin Kriewlow Lahr (11/10/79-12/14/08)

Brown..out!

Happy Birthday DB!!!

Today is my FAVORITE brother's birthday!! Ok, he's also my only brother, but he's still my favorite brother! Happy Birthday Delton!! I've often been in his shadow even to the point of being called "Lil DB" during our days at LSU and to this day some of those guys still call me that! I couldn't wish for a more caring, thoughtful, friendly, cool, *cough overprotective *cough big brother. He takes his role as my big brother serious and often reminds me that he's the big brother and I should just listen to him on those credentials alone. He and I are very similar in our diverseness, our love of music, our thinking and of course LSU Football! Who else would I spend the game "watching" via text messages back and forth to each other about how LSU is playing that day or how whack Iowa is for blowing a huge lead. I can pick up the phone and call my brother and talk to him about anything from politics to religion to "dog can't get me" to name that classical tune. I love my brother and on this day I wish him the very very best!!!

Brown..out!

Ya know

Blogging isn't a whole lot of fun when you spend your days/nights doing all other sorts of writing. I feel like I've been pouring out all of my "creative" juices into other forms and my poor little blog has been like the Sahara, dry than a mug! I have a few blogs that I started and they ended up left to die in draft form because I wasn't happy with how they "sounded" or how they "read' to me. Maybe I should just stop censoring myself and just let it flow however it comes out, it comes out. I'm still here and this blog is still alive, just haven't had much content and depth to it as of late. I'm sure the material will pick up in the next few weeks as I prepare for Thanksgiving with the family at my house again this year. Don't know if I'm ready for that invasion just yet. My mom already sent me an email of what she feels the menu should be. I think my head is hurting already thinking about it.

Yes, should be quite interesting.

In the meantime, keep checking for updates, I promise there will be posts forthcoming.

Brown..out!

Weekend wrap up

Friday, I celebrated my friend Nicole's daughters birthday at the bowling alley. I don't remember bowling too much tho ha ha. It was for the kids, birthday girl with the bowling ball and one of her friends. A good time was had by all!Sat. I spent the afternoon watching LSU vs Georgia with friends. Good crabs, shrimp, potatoes and corn!! Gotta tailgate La style. I hate LSU. Why oh why must they treat me so bad. I don't know why I continue to be in this abusive relationship. I see now why it's so hard for battered women to leave the man that they "love" even with his proclivity to lay hands on her (and not in the spiritual way), to say hurtful and harmful things, to just be BAD for her period, but she can't walk away. Yes, this analogy is probably not thee best to use, but I divorce or threaten to divorce LSU football every single season, but I never do. I can't leave them despite the emotional turmoil that they put me through year, after year, after year, but what I can do is hate them (today) for making watching the games soooooo stressful! This reads like we didn't win on Saturday against UGA, but we did 20-13, but it was the way we won, last 1:09 of the game we get 6 first downs after having just gone 3 and out. During those 6 first downs we eat up the clock and with about 0:32 left, Charles Scott breaks some tackles and its TOUCHDOWN LSU!!! and all is right with my universe again..I hate them and I'm sure my friends that I watched the game with hate me ha ha.
Sunday, I went to church where we were having a "Unity" service that brought together all 3 of the campuses, which meant LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of people in the service and hectic parking. I swear even after sitting inside the church for like 30 min after the service talking, it still took me another 45min just to get out of the parking lot. I'm glad I drove my truck instead of the car because I was doing some semi-off roading. Speaking of the truck, I put some new "shoes" on him just for kicks. Truck rides the same but definitely has a different look to it. I didn't want anything too big or too flashy/hood cause that's just not my style, but these definitely compliment the vehicle. After fighting traffic, I stopped by my friends the Dabney's to help them unpack their new house and also see their newborn boy. Service at its best I tell you. I hope that if there is ever a day that I'll need the help of my friends I'll be able to get it. I do a lot of things for my close friends because it is the right thing to do and because I live by the mantra of do unto others as you would have them do unto me. So "if" I'm fresh out the hospital and can't lift anything but I also just moved, I pray that my friends will show up at my house, fix me a meal and unpack some boxes and get me settled into my new place. After spending time with them I made my way to 2222H, took a nap in the rain and just had a really chill Sun. night.

I'm not all too thrilled with how things are going with my personal life. I was never a fan of the cliche' when one door closes another one opens, but that may be the cause with how things are turning out. I don't really get into my relationships via blogland, but just know that a fresh start may be just what the doctor ordered.

Brown..out!

Happy Birthday Ketra!!

To my sister,


Today is your birthday and I want to wish you a very happy birthday. You are here for a purpose as God formed you in the womb before He knew you, before you were born you were set apart appointed as a prophet to the nations. I pray that you continue to seek God's guidance and His divine will for you life, that He shows you your purpose and continues to have His hand upon you. Have a great great great birthday!!!

Enjoy turning 25 *wink*

Brown..out

Happy Birthday CBean!!

Want to send a special birthday shout out to my sisterfriend Carla!!!! I hope you're day is great and I pray that God continues to show you favor in your life. I pray that you are the head and not the tail, above and not beneath, blessed coming in and blessed going out! I know you've been a blessing to me. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Brown...out!

Spring weather is here (for the moment)

How awesome is this weather!!! It's been taxing sitting in my office today making an effort to not find a plausible reason for me to be outside or "work from home"..it's definitely one of those too nice to work inside days. If you can, go outside and enjoy the weather!! How's the weather by you?

Brown..out!

Game day!! LSU vs Ms State

GEAUX TIGERS!!! BEAT Ms. State!!

Got my game day gear on, grill going for this early game, wishing for LESS cowbell from the State crowd! I'm saying 29-17 Tigers!!!

Brown..out!!

Oh Happy Day!!

It's friday good people!! whoo hoo!!! This has been a fast but full week for me and I'm soooo looking forward to a weekend where I'm not on the road. In the last 2 weeks I've been in Houston, Dallas, Independence, La, Lafayette, Houston again, New Orleans, and my sister is trying to get me back in Houston next week for her birthday! I feel like I'm back in undergrad again where I was going to Houston like every every week or something crazy. I'm not a young whippersnapper and don't bounce back as quickly as I used to from those random mid-week road trips. When I left Houston last weekend I told them I wasn't coming back til like Christmas or something, even tho my niece will have a birthday and my nephew will have a birthday prior to Christmas so I probably would have been back in October and November ha ha. My calendar is filling up quick with meeting next week. I swear I spend 80% of my work life in a meeting. The worst are the friday back to back to back meeting that happen every other friday of the month. I don't know whose bright idea it was to hold all those meetings on fridays, but at least they're all back to back to back and I can almost stay in the same conference room ha ha. I'm not being very productive yet on this friday. I don't know why not, I have 50-11 thousand things I should be doing. I'm hoping the afternoon brings more success.

I'm already loving the shake ups in the college football ranks and its only week 4! I can't stand the BCS because it is very flawed and each season the BS of the system gets exposed. I was soooo glad to see Ole Piss lose to South Carolina last night! #4!! really Ole Piss, they hadn't played one SEC game, didn't finish the season very well last season and got a #4 ranking, yet can't get past S.C. HA!! Of course I know all too well that college football and the SEC in general that on any given Thursday or Saturday, anybody can beat anybody! I just have a chip on my shoulder about Ole Piss because I bought tix to the LSU/Ole Piss game in Oxford and Ole Piss rescinded on the tickets so now I'm left trying to find tickets to the game. I also GREATLY enjoyed USC losing to Washington last weekend. I can't STAND USC...highly overated, much like tOSU Buckeyes who can't win a big game to save their lives! 0-4 in the big game to be exact. I don't always see through purple/gold glasses, I know that Florida and Tebow is the truth! and I want to hate on him, but I can't. Kid has great character as a man and is a beast on the field. I just hope that when he comes to Tigerstadium we roll over him. It's not personal, its LSU football! We're about to get into SEC play where we'll really see what this years team is made of. I just hope our offense can get into a steady flow for a full game and not be as sporadic as we've been and I hope I don't hear much cowbell tomorrow against Moo State U.

GEAUX TIGERS!!! beat MS State!

Brown...out!

Decisions, Decisions..

I am torn.

My yard needs some SERIOUS attention before the HOA comes knocking at my door.

OR

Grey's Anatomy.

I'm leaning towards the yard, that way I can fast forward through the commercials if I want Grey's from the DVR..hmmm..

Brown..out!

I am not my job.

I was waiting on my car to finish getting detailed during lunch today and was thinking about the friends I have and how I haven't made any "new" friends since like 2003 or something. Wait, I lied, I have 1 new real friend that is in my inner circle these days that I met in 2006/2007 I wonder if we get to a certain age and we just stop making friends. I have made new acquaintances, but not too many people that I call friend, friend. I come across lots of people in lots of different settings and it's not hard for me to have conversations with people. It's easy for me to discern who is interesting and who is faking the funk. People will go all out in some of the social settings to make themselves seem more than what they are. They'll immediately get to talking about 1) their career and/or 2) their educational background. Next time you meet someone new pay attention to the conversation, if they say something in the first oh, 30 seconds about their job and what they do, they most likely have nothing else going for them and like to define themselves and their worth by what they do. It's easy to introduce yourself and immediately say "I'm Angie and I run a consulting business" it just flows. Maybe because we spend so much time engulfed in our careers that we forget that we are not our jobs. I get caught up in that sometimes myself but I am way more than a business consultant, a grant writer, a director of blah blah blah.

My mom loves to introduce me to her friends and she dubiously ALWAYS seems to include my career, in her case I think she's just proud of me and is "showing" me off a lil bit. She knows I don't like to make a big deal about "me" in general so she takes it upon herself to do it for me in some settings. I've told her before about it, but that seems to be a never ending exercise in futility. She knows I have other beaming qualities but the "success" factor is her favorite light to shine. I'm sure if I were a fryer at Popeyes she wouldn't be so quick to announce it to the world. It's all kinda comical to me now.

Embrace it folks, you are not your job and neither am I.


Brown..out!

I'm not feeling it..

These braces today man. I'm ready to rip them out of my mouth myself. I've already called in this morning for an "emergency" appointment because some wire is trying to stick its way through my cheek. Talk about irritating and painful. No amount of wax is working. Jesus keep me near the cross. 3 more months. Let the count down officially begin.

**UPDATED** Talk about relief!! It took like 5 min for the technician to snip snip the wire and get me back in business. Folks alredy say I don't eat as it is, and with that wire attacking my jaw, it was almost impossible to do so! YaY Dr. Sherman for having on-call folks who take "emergency" appointments.

Brown..out!

True Life: I'm addicted to google

I can't help it. I can't stop it. I can only hope to contain it.

Seriously, I google no less than *mumble mumble* times a day! It's just so darn convenient. Let's see what I have googled today:

1. Google, yes, I googled goole. How do you think I got ----------->
   
2. Lincoln Aviator wheels
3. 265/35/22
4. 5 to 6 lug wheel adapter
   
5. when is daylight savings time
6. epidemiology
7. risk assessment
   
8. spa and baton rouge
9. Australia and weather
10. ski boots
11. breast cancer and mammogram and louisiana
12. breast cancer and transportation barriers
13. united nations and members
    

That's all. I think. I don't know what I did before google. I'm surely not about to "bing" nor will I "yahoo" to get my searches. I'm a one search engine gal and google has my heart. Monogamy has its perks as google has yet to let me down. Somedays I even "feel lucky" just to spice things up and keep it fresh. I just wonder how long I can keep this relationship hot and steady without getting bored with the Mr. I have a short attention span when I'm not being stimulated. I would hate to have to find another search engine to push my throttle.

Brown..out!

Toot toot!!

The last few months/weeks have been crazy at work, but I'm starting to see the fruit of my labor. Back in May I labored and labored on writing 2 MASSIVE HIV/AIDS grants for 3 of the hospitals, well, 2 combined efforts because they're close in proximity and then the other is on the opposite end of I-10, anyway, found out last week that they were both funded!!! WHOOP!! WHOOP!!! I'm so excited for the clinics who will be receiving the money. Both were funded at the maximum amount of $1.75M over 5 years. And to think, one of them almost didn't get submitted to the Feds due to some bureaucratic red tape, oh how that would have been a colossal waste of my time to get all that research done, stats researched, pages upon pages written and it all be for naught. I think the people of those regions who are being treated in the Early Intervention Clinics will now have more access to HIV/AIDs care, education and meds. I still find the HIV stats for La and BR to be SCARY and SAD. I can't fathom having unprotected sex in this day and age. The numbers don't lie. I didn't get a real chance to catch my breath once I was done with those 2 grants because I was already knee deep in literature reviews about blood pressure monitoring for another grant.

Just that quick I had to switch gears and "learn" about hypertension and blood pressure. I'm not a clinician nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn at all during that time so I felt like I was back in graduate school with all the reading I was doing and on top of it I was still kinda in HIV/AIDs info mode. Well I can now tell you about the white coat affect, the % of patient population in the state that has Stage 1, Stage 2, Pre-Hypertension and Hypertension. I can tell you what is a good "reading" and at what intervals hypertensive patients should take their pressure. Yea, stuff that has NOTHING to do with my immediate background, but that's part of the luxury with being a grant writer. I'm often thrown into areas that are not my expertise at all but I know people in different fields who I can lean on for resources and what not. And people wonder why I know about "random" things, well, it comes with the job, plus, I'm a closet nerd. I'm still waiting to hear back on whether or not that particular grant was funded, keeping my fingers crossed and guess what NOW I'm on to researching breast cancer information for a grant that is due next month.

I'm hoping to be 4 for 4 when it's all said and done by the end of the year. I got a late start on the grant writing this year because of all of the outside "stuff" that was going on with the organization, but I seem to be on a roll now. Just wanted to take a moment and toot my own horn a lil bit.

Geaux ME!!! Geaux ME!!! Geaux ME!! ha ha

Brown....out!

I'm still here...

For a while there I was contemplating moving this here lil blog because there were a few posts here that I did not properly quote to give credit to the original author and the original author asked me to remove those posts which I did per the request yet I was catching hell in my inbox about it and I thought starting over would be the right thing to do, but I'm not the run away kinda chick. I apologized to the person(s) at hand and I'm over it. I'm mad at myself for even going on that little hiatus and not having the blog open for a day or so and considering changing the blog name. Momentary lapse of confidence in WHO I AM.

I know my character because I've met ME. For anyone who stumbles to this here corner of blogger to "see" what's going on and to see what the hoopla is all about well, there is no hoopla other than what is or was being created in cyberspace. I'm very comfortable in my own skin. Comfortable in MY life. Comfortable with MY issues. Comfortable with MY relationships Comfortable with my word.

So, I'm still here.

Brown(C1)..out!

Security..

That's kinda how I feel at the moment. The rollercoaster of my organizations restructure/reorganization just got a little smoother. Monday was notification day of what positions will be abolished and thankfully I wasn't in that category. Whew! I was able to breathe a huge sigh of relief after months of having to think about whether or not I'd be affected by the layoff. Although our location hasn't been set in stone for the moment we're still going to be located in BR which leads me to breath yet another sigh of relief! I'm not opposed to commuting but it surely wouldn't be my first choice. I hope with this being "over" for the moment I can get back to my "normal" self. For those who knew what I was going through here at the job thanks for the prayers and being understanding when I was snapping at you, it wasn't "personal" it was stress! ha ha

At the end of the day, I know where my source comes from and I do indeed thank God for covering me. I'm obviously still here for a reason!

Brown..out!

Vacations, Healthcare, Gates Gate and a bunch of other "stuff"

Blogging is like a relationship man and admittedly so, I've always had issues with committment and it is showing in my blog relationship. Some months I'm hot and steamy full of opinions, thoughts, satire, jokes, life and then other months I get ghost! I'm tempted to call myself flakey, hey fools, ya'll better not co-sign on that! At any rate, life has been pretty full these days.

1) LIFE: July was actually pretty relaxing had 2 vacations, both very enjoyable and relaxing. First was a sisters +1 trip to Miami and the Keys.

Sister/Sister in Law/Me!

Plus 1 (my sister's friend Jackie)

Did a few water activities..
Enjoyed the night life

Had a rocking hard good time!

My most recent trip was a girls getaway down the road to New Orleans with my good friend Renada who lives in Minnesota. Although Renada had a HORRIBLE day of flying and got stuck in Atlanta on our first day, she did make it to the Big Easy in time for us to have a laid back good time!She was sooo excited to come where it was "hot". That didn't last long, once she stepped outside the A/C of the New Orleans airport I'm sure the humidity and heat took her breath away ha ha. We had a great time doing tourist things. It was all new to me since my New Orleans days mainly consisted of Bourbon St. and well, Bourbon St. This time, I was able to experience some of the true culture that the city is known for. Attended the Satchmo music festival where I learned about Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong, listened to some of his recordings and heard other Jazz bands.

We walked around the French Market Had breakfast biegnets at Cafe du Monde', experienced afternoon showers where if we didn't like the weather at the moment we could just....wait and it got better :-) Did the dinner cruise on the Natchez Steamboat, ate at some GREAT restaurants and of course no New Orleans trip would be complete without time spent on Bourbon St.

We also took a tour of Oak Alley Plantation but I'm saving that recap for a blog all on its own since I was just amazed at seeing shot gun slave quarters, seeing the bricks that were hand made by the slaves, reading how much they were "worth" etc etc, but yea, that's for a separate blog.

2) HEALTHCARE: So, I've been following President Obama's Healthcare "reform" bill relatively close, well as close as my schedule has been allowing me too and man, is he setting us back with his socialistic "changes". I'm not afraid to say that I don't agree with A LOT of his politics and for most people that know me, they already know that. This "reform" bill is just another downward spiral of my civil liberties being infringed upon. Let me take a step back and say that yes, I believe that everyone should have access to affordable health care, I do. Believe it or not, I even think the welfare system has it's place. Yes, super vocal against welfare me, believe it has it's place. We hear about and see lots of people milking the system. I'm VERY vocal about those types of people and what I think of them. What we rarely get exposed to are the people who get on and get off. The people who may have gone through an ugly divorce and needed a little help to get back on her feet. And for them, I'd like to keep the system but revamp it a bit. All those loopholes would have to close. This is how I envision the governmental ran healthcare working, them telling me what doctors I can see, what procedures are covered, etc etc. The US is notorious for being inadequate at handling most governmental run programs so why would anyone think this one would be any different. A friend pointed out earlier too, most people are thinking this is "free", um, no the bill says "affordable"..isn't that a relative term?? There's Medicare, Medicad and umpteen other FREE clinics in every state offered to those who can't readily afford health care, how bout we pump some money into "fixing" that before doing a drive by overhaul of healthcare in America. I'm sure I could go on and on, but really folks, peep the BIG picture of this "reform" before swallowing it hook, line, and sinker.

I think I've captured your attention long enough, as usual I apologize for the hiatus, but I'm still learning this whole committment thing, but have no fear, I'll always come back!

Brown...out!

P.S. LSU football is right around the corner!! The team reported to campus today, 1st game is 31 days away!!! I'm so ready!!

Suicide is not an option

That's a pretty heavy title but for the sake of me not thinking for anything cliche'ish, I'll just use the truth. Most folks don't know that what seems like many moons ago I was suicidal. Yep, ME! I hid it too damn relatively well and carried out my daily life as if things were just fine, but in reality I was 1 drink away from voluntarily driving off a bridge in my drunk state or 1 pill away from sleeping it all away. It's weird for me to think about those dark dark days in my life and wonder why I didn't go through with it. It's even weirder for me to look in the mirror and see the same physical person looking back at me, but know that that person from back then doesn't even exist in my world. She, was a "rising" star but a falling meteor all at the same time. I've never really talked about those dark days unless I'm really led to share it in a way that will let someone else see that hey, just because you think life is shitty overated and you're ready to be done with it, suicide doesn't have to be an option. There are other ways to cope with the struggles of life. For me it was therapy and salvation.

Yes, THERAPY, As in seeing a random psychologist and talking that crap out and getting help. Black folks think therapy is taboo and we are always told or taught to "pray" about it and everything will be fine. Yea, I'm all for praying about situations and trusting God, but I also know that when I was sitting on that couch, 6 beers in me, 3 or 4 sleeping pills in me and god knows what other substances, God was NOT on my mind in any way except God get me outta here, but somewhere inside of me suicide wasn't an option. Even though I "thought" that I didn't want to go on and deal with my issues, in reality, I just needed real help with HOW to deal with my issues. Issues that to some others weren't issues at all, issues that I was clearly making mountains out of mole hills to those on the outside looking in, or issues that I was too strong and had too much going on to not know how to handle. Sometimes friends and family members really don't listen when you're clearly and even not so clearly reaching out for their help.

All of this suicide talk is for a purpose, no, I'm not suicidal, not even stressed at the moment. Not where I want to be in all aspects of my life, but definitely a much different person and know when I'm close to a breaking point and know how to get help before hand. I have a cousin who is living with me right now because he was where I was all those moons ago and he actually went through with his suicide attempt. Thankfully his attempt wasn't a fatal one and in reality was an outcry for HELP. HELP that some of my family members are oblivious and clearly inadequate to provide to him. I'll gladly admit that there is a lot a lot a lot mild dysfunction on that side of the family and I'll gladly admit that I'm so glad my parents got outta that hell hole left their hometown and raised us in a city, I'm digressing. Well, kinda, dysfunctional family + lack of caring/listening = suicide BEING an option. Dysfunctional family+ lack of listening/sharing + therapy = suicide NOT being an option. My cousin has gone through therapy sessions while he was recovering in the hospital (which his mother only saw him ONE time at in the 4 or 5 weeks he was there , but that's another blog) and I know he's not "crazy", I know what its like to feel like the world is crashing in and I was in a much better state financially/stability wise than him but when your world is crashing, you can be sitting in a 6,000ft mansion and feel like you're already 6 feet in the ground.

I guess with him being around and me being selfless a whole lot lately, it has reminded me of how far I've come in my own mental capacity and personal growth. It has also reminded me of how selfish of an act suicide is. Everything about it is pure d selfish. I know not everyone makes it through their dark times and for them, they don't get out. I've been called a "fixer" and that's a pretty good assessment of me for the most part. Instead of getting riled up in kaos or getting frustrated when a situation seems out of control, I assess the scene and figure out a way to difuse or "fix" it to where its workable again. This is not one of those situations where I'm going to "fix". His life is his life and I'm merely providing a stable calm drama-free (for the most part) environment for him to start over again. He said he wanted out of Crappville and wanted to change and start over. I can help in giving him a temporary zip code that isn't Crappville and I can point him in the right direction for positivity but I'm so not taking on a fixer role in this situation. He has to make the moves to do better and I guess he's already made the first choice, of letting go of the past, getting help and living life like its worth living.

I told someone just this morning that life is really what you make of it. We live everyday with a choice, to embrace life and make the best of it, or to embrace life and be miserable in our situations. What's your choice? This isn't my usual fun friday post, I'll have to follow up with something a little more light hearted.

Brown..out!

Prodigal child returns

**taps mic**

**coughs**

Is...is this thing on..

** coughs**

**blows off the dust that has gathered in the box**

Wow. It has been way too long since I wrote a blog. My life has been topsyturvey and is kinda sorta getting back to right side up. Whenever I try and wallow in my own issues, I'm pulled into a "take charge" role and have to care for someone else and put me on the backburner. I guess that's good that I don't have selfwallowing moments for long, but damn, if I can't have like 5 minutes of woe is me! When will I be allowed to not be the care taker but the care takee?? I know I'm just a bit frustrated and venting, but for someone who doesn't have any offsprings I sure do a lot of responsible actions for people who did not reside inside of me for 9 months. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be where I am in life to be able to do for others and glad that others see me as someone that they can rely on in their time of troubles, but it gets taxing, mainly because I don't always feel as though I have anyone there for me in my taxing moments. I've had that feeling for years so I'm convinced it's an "it's not you, it's ME" kinda problem.

I am terribly simple and terribly complex at the same time.

I am in a "neutral" position with my personal life, not moving forward and kinda moving backwards if I can be honest with myself. It surely wasn't my idea to pump the brakes and go into this position, but I'm rolling with the flow. It's just a weird, semi-awkward position to be in. Not knowing what is good to say and what is crossing the neutral zone. I know this is a temporary fix, a band aid of sorts. I just hope my emotions don't go into a complete reverse position.

Things are crazy at my job. There are talks of "restructuring" so amist the tension of everyday life goings, there's tension at the job, but we're to carry on with business as usual. Yea right! I want to believe and have every sense of security that my position is secure and don't want to bail ship prematurely, but I also don't want to have a false sense of security and go down with a sinking ship, what a quandry to be in! I would feel better if the management above my pay grade had more information than what they have shared, they seem to be just as clueless as to what is going to happen as we do, since the evaluations are being done by outside individuals. We'll see. Either way, I'll be fine. Scared, but still fine.

Brown...out!

Bounce, bounce..pass..

I had this whole blog in my head that I thought was gonna make it to this here lil box, but let's just say I'm gonna have to learn to bounce back quicker cause this feeling sucks.


Brown..out!

There's a new sheriff fin town..or not.

Most of you guys know that I'm one of bloglands most eligible bachelorettes. I've been "single" for quite some time now. Mostly because I've been super indifferent to the dating process and the likes, and some because there haven't been any suitable suitors worth changing my single disposition. Well, I "thought" there was the potential for me to stick my player card in the freezer and settle down and do the whole dating thing yada yada yada. Well, turns out, that's not the case at all!

So I met "the sheriff" one day while sitting and working at Barnes and Noble. Admittedly I wasn't interested in him or any other person who approached me that day because I was behind on work and had finally gotten into a flow of things and really didn't want to jinx it by stopping and making small talk with any of the passerby's in the place, and not eventhe tall handsome who was all in my personal space. I was actually probably a biotch to dude so to my surprise after he took my card he actually called me. *gasp* All this time I'd been doing things backwards apparently, being nice had gotten me NOTHING, being a total b...a potential match! Geaux figure.

Fast forward, "the sheriff" and I had text quite a bit, had gone out once, both our schedules were pretty hectic and he had been working nights and I had been doing a lot of travelling and had a full schedule so logistically we hadn't really had time to hang out although both of us made it clear that we enjoyed the conversation and wanted to hang out. The time that we did go out it was great. Great conversation, little flirting, he was a total gentleman, did I mention great conversation. It's hard to find someone that I can have really good conversation with without it being redundant or without me feeling like I'm having to dumb down, so to speak. He's a bit of nerd like myself so it was cool. Althought I must admit that I probably learned more about guns and holsters than I care too, but that's his thing so I listened, nodded and smiled. "The sheriff" finally had a weekend off and let me know this quite a few times throughout the week that he'd be available, so in my mind I was thinking, I guess I'll see him Fri. and/or Sat. night.

Most folks probably don't peg me for a traditionalist when it comes to dating but I am. I believe the guy should ask the lady out, the guy should open doors, pull the chair out, the whole nine. So after playing a bit of phone tag on Friday (because my phone sucks!!) we finally connect and im asking, so what are your plans for the night yada yada yada and he mentions he's going to go to the gym and work out and will hit me back, cool. I had a long day so I could use some down time. I wasn't expecting him to hit me back at like 10pm. Yea, I didn't answer the phone.

Sat. we txt a few times and again, I ask what his plans are, and he says, nothing except he wanted to watch the lakers game, I'm like cool. I ask,you plan to watch it there or go out, opening the door for him to say, lets go watch the game somewhere, yea, didn't happen and I REFUSED to ask him out. I did all the hard work for him, told him it would be nice to see him, said I'm forgetting what he looks like, talked about the lakers as if I liked them, all he had to do was say, you want to watch the game! like seriously.

So now, I'm here thinking, that he had potential to be a distraction and maybe more, but I think deep down I wasn't that into him in the first place and just maybe he wasn't that into me either but it just irks me that he couldn't man up and just ask me out! When it was so obvious (to me) that he wanted too. And people wonder why I'm so indifferent to dating. If this is how it is, then they can keep that.

Adios Mr. Sheriff.

Brown, out!

Funny Pic Friday and some other stuff too

This pic seemed appropriate for the type of week I've had. Like seriously, it's been a super packed week, meeting upon meeting upon meeting. And when I haven't been meeting, I've been doing forms for clients or *gasp* filing. Let the record show that I SUCK at making file folders/labels and all that good stuff. I'm not a file snob per se but I really just don't have the time to stop "real" work to make some lables, stick em on a folder, and put the folder in a file cabinet. Yea it seems easy enough and in reality, it is pretty simple, but I have sooooo much other stuff I could be doing than making files. I think you guys get the picture that I don't like to make files. Anybody watch The Hills? I was just reminded of Spencer's (who is a major douche' bag) sister, I think her name is Stephanie, and how she was in an interview and BOMBED it and had no clue what a label was or how to affix one to anything **scratching head** like for real???

Anyway, so my week has been a productive one. Picked up 2 new clients for my consulting gig, so that's kinda cool.
That's one of the reasons I've been so busy. I've been running the show kinda solo lately, which sucks, but hey, it is what it is for the time being. I finally got the website to a point where I'm actually telling people about it, peep it and pass it on to your friends and family members http://www.yourcatalyst.net/ I did however make a faux paux on my business cards, and now I have to order new ones, my bad huh.

Well, it's the weekend, not sure what I'm getting into, a little bit of this, a little bit of nothing. Actually I do know, work. I'm behind on some stuff for some clients so I'm going to bite the bullet and just spend a few hours one day and just smash it out. I may try and see what CL is doing and hook up with them, maybe. That reminds me that I have a post about CL, I should probably run it by CL first since I "think" they found my blog and may not want me to be putting their business on front street like that, even though they are anonymous to the world wide web. I also have a post about our social..President and all of these "leaks" of confidential information, but I'll save that for a weekday and not go into the weekend with anything "heavy".

I took Rocky to the dog park one day this week and forgot his leash, but I did remember he needed food, so no leash + trip to Petsmart = a ride in the buggy for Rockstar! He's never been in a buggy before and surprisingly did really well. He didn't really try and jump out the basket at all, thankfully, because I could see me now chasing behind him in Petsmart.

Alright blog land, I think I'm going to make my escape from the Plantation now and go soak up some of this beautiful weather! Have a great weekend!

Brown..out!

Catch me if you can..

Easter came and went and I didn't post a Jesus died on the cross for our (yours and mine) sins kinda blog. Actually, the blog would've been that Jesus ROSE from the dead after dying on the cross for our (yours and mine) sins. I think that's the more accurate depection of how that blog would've have at least started, who knows how it would have ended, or maybe I gave away the ending with the rising from the dead part, ha ha. Ok, enough circle talk, Easter did come and go and I was able to spend some time in TX with my family and my BFF who was in town visiting a sick friend of hers. The only downside to that trip was that I got sick on the day that I was supposed to hang out with T before she headed back to the Midwest :-( That pretty much sucked, along with the 4hr drive I had to make as well feeling like crap.

So back in the boot....

Had to see a doc about a shoulder issue, that is still a freakin issue, ugh!

I came across a pretty dumb debate on a message board that I frequent. The questioned was taken from this lil snippet of an article

Miss USA stirs controversy

The Internet was buzzing Monday about a Miss USA controversy.

First runner-up Carrie Prejean (Miss California) was asked about legalizing same-sex marriage from judge Perez Hilton, the Internet blogger behind perezhilton.com."I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody there. But that's how I was raised and that's how I think it should be," Prejean said during Sunday night's live telecast.Hilton was visibly upset, and there was a mixed reaction from the live audience. Prejean ultimately came up short, losing the title to Miss North Carolina, Kristen Dalton.On Monday, Keith Lewis, the executive director for Miss California USA/Teen USA, said he was saddened by Prejean's response.Prejean, who has been romantically linked to Olympian Michael Phelps, spoke on Monday, too: "I feel like I'm the winner. I really do," she said to pageant host Billy Bush on "The Billy Bush Show," noting that she had 1,000 new messages on Facebook and 2,000 friend requests.Prejean added that her answer "did cost me my crown," but said: "I wouldn't have had it any other way. I said what I feel. I stated an opinion that was true to myself, and that's all I can do."

The question posed was if you were in her shoes, would you have given the same response? Should her response have cost her the crown? My how the keys were flying on that one! I tried to stay out of it mainly because I was super busy at work and didn't have time to really "play" today, but of course I don't think her opinion and her views should have cost her the crown, she gave an honest answer about how she feels, which was her right to do so. Some of the diabtribe that was going on was pure d ridiculous to me, see, that's me giving my opinion that is probably against the grain, but when is my opinion along the grain.

I'll have to tell you all about the surprise party for my grandma at a later date, ya girl is tirred! (and yes I spelled that wrong on purpose)

Well blogland, it's time for me to call it a night, I have long days ahead of me.


Brown, out!

Rocky Report

I haven't talked much about blogland's most spoiled mutt,Rocky lately. He has made a few treks to the dog park this spring and here are a few pics from last week, or maybe it was this week, who knows. I do remember my hands freezing tho and minimal humping by the little humper!

I love that he's so social when he's out there. He will play with the biggest dog at the park or the smallest dog, he doesn't discriminate. The same goes for his humping at the park.

Happy Easter holiday folks!

Brown..out!

It's Holy Week..

As in Holy smokes Batman, I'm off Good Friday and the day after Easter!! I'll be making a trek to Houston to visit with the fam and some friends and my bestfriend Tonya will be in town from Missouri YAY!!!! She'll be there visiting a friend of hers who is sick right now and of course to see me too..I'm superduper excited to hang out with her. I haven't seen her since I guess sometime last year, I think it may have been 4th of July, but it's been too long. I had a good weekend, not too busy and not too boring, kinda the right mix of things. I guess the only thing really missing was CL. CL was kinda hemmed up this weekend, which kinda sucked for me but such is life.



At any rate, I don't have any real plans for when I'm in Texas, I'm hoping to catch up with a few buddies, spend time with the kiddos and just kinda chill. Last time I was in hibernation and didn't do much of anything, I guess I'll be a little more social and actually leave the nest of my parents house. I'm sure my mom will want to drag me shopping somewhere and my dad will want me to fix/figure something out on the computer. I swear they wait for me to come in town do do all kinda things. What I'm really hoping for is that they've taken down that darn Christmas tree..lol



I've been thinking about my alterego lately, mainly because she has been rearing her head in the form of this overly sensitive, expressive chick, that I can't seem to contain. It's like a jack-in-the box, she's been wound up, danced to the music and BOOM! out she came all out the box and now that she's out the box I can't get her to go back in.

I say this is my alter ego because I'm pretty level headed 98.7% of the time, I reserve the other 1.3% for that special time in the fall that is LSU gamedays when I've been known to act a complete fool. I morph into "that" fan, the one you tell your kids not to listen to and the one who is oh so close to being kicked out of the game. The one who I would call a douche bag if they're on the opposing team, but yes, I'm not here to talk about football. I've always managed to have "alterego" in check because I was focusing on my career and wasn't trying to let anyone get really close to me. So of course I was able to control the situations and keep my feelings and emotions under wraps, doing just enough to keep them at bay for my own purposes. That sounds so harsh but that was then and this is now and here I am now, looking for a way to put all the gooeyness that is alterego back in the box. Ya'll help me out, it's too early to be showing my cards. I'm gladly taking suggestions on how to get her back in the box, please and thank you!

Alright blogland,


Brown..is..out!

Battle of the Boot

Just as I sign on to write todays blog the LSU Fight song came on the rotation of my itunes, how fitting! considering the topic of todays discussion is brought to you by the letters, L-S-U!! It's no secret that I'm a psycho super LSU fan, with football being my most favorite sport to root on my Tigers. Well CL and I were having a conversation yesterday regarding the upcoming LSU Spring Football game and I of course have been hyping up this game for quite some time now. To me the quintesential LSU fan, the Spring game marks the dawn of a new era being unveiled in maybe 100 scripted plays inside of Tiger Stadium on a spring April day in front of maybe 30-40 thousand of my closest friends. It's a day for the families to come to campus and tailgate, take in the electric game day atmosphere that can barely be described in words because it is JUST.THAT.GREAT! I've been bringing my nephews to this game since they've been able to walk, it's intro to LSU football 101. You get the same game day atmosphere (give or take 70K people) but it's more family oriented, than "hey we're going to whoop your --- oriented"

Seriously, LSU game day is one experience that any true college football fan should want to experience. Just like I was geeked about going to Notre Dame circa 1998ish when LSU played them in South Bend. Who doesn't want to see hot guys in kilts playing the bagpipes Touchdown Jesus! To be inside of that stadium knowing that those are the same sidelines that Rudy roamed, that the great Joe Montana roamed, the same field that the Rocket Ishmael blazed. Some serious college football history inside that place. Just like I remember being in Bryant-Dehney Stadium, home of the loserrific Alabama Crimson Tide, and appreciating the experience of seeing where Bear Bryant was the king of the jungle. I haven't made my way to the Horseshoe of Ohio State University or to the "Big House" of Michigan, but they're on my list. Definitely not because I'm a fan of those schools or their conference, but because I'm a college football fan and can appreciate the history that lies within those facilities. The LSU spring game is a staple for us Tiger maniacs, it is something we look forward to each spring and this year even more so after LSU had such a sub par 8-5 season last year and this year we've signed the #1 recruiting class and have high hopes of making a run for the National Championship. I know, slow down little grasshopper, the season isn't even here, but for me in the "spring" and "fall", those times are defined by almost LSU football season and finally LSU football season, ha ha

I guess because I am such a fanatic about LSU football, I don't get the idea of why anyone would think of the game as being "dumb" or a "waste of time to see us hit each other" CL is a semi-LSU fan and I'm in the process of brainwashing convincing them to see the greatest that is LSU in a brighter limelight and so far we're not seeing eye to eye on this Spring game. I did however have a conversation with another LSU fan like myself that went a little something like this:

Me: Why don't non-LSU fans get the idea of a spring football game. It's the right of passage to see the newbies and the new team

Friend: Even Alabama gets it..lol (last year Bama had 90K at their "practice" game)

Me:yea they do, the one thing they do get!

Friend: I know what you mean though, most people think that we're total losers to be packing up the kids and spending the night in a hotel just for a "practice game"

Me: This is totally a situation where it's THEM and not ME (this time)

Friend: I was like OMG, this will be the first time Bailey hears the Golden Band from Tigerland!!! (live of course she's heard them on itunes and for home tailgates)

That's right, train up a child in the way that they should go ha ha She gets it! She gets the tradition of seeing the team for the first time after a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG offseason. She gets that it's a family outing. She gets that tailgating shall commence as if this was a SEC night in Death Valley. She gets that it doesn't matter that in the eyes of those losers, normal people who have not been fortunate enough to experience a Saturday night in Death Valley think we're idiots and think the game is merely between our own players. She gets that thousands will still make the trek to campus, tailgate, get some autographs and pics of team members and with Mike the Tiger.

Battle of the Boot may be a "practice" game to some, but to others it's the beginning of the Battle for the Championship.

GEAUX TIGERS!!!!

Brown....out!

Too cute for words(except the few that are there..lol)

This is Bailey and she is super duper cute!!! She is the youngest of one of my best friends and was enjoying her time with her family in Disney last week when this pic was taken. I just wanted to share the cuteness with the world. Look at those eyes!

Right on target

A few weeks I posted about a missed connection but today I was fumbling for a blog topic and my friend, let's call them "Computer Love"(CL) suggested that I talk about how everytime someone comes to their desk an IM from me pops up. I laughed and then thought, well that there is surely not a missed connection but a bullseye and I'm right on target. Is it purely a coincidence that that scenario happens at least fiftyleven times throughout the day. I think it says something that we're meant to talk at that moment and at that time. Or maybe it means that it's time to let the world know that we talk as much as we do throughout the day. Our friendship is kinda tricky because of the nature of how we met and who our mutual friends are.

I'll go on record and even say that CL told me flat out that they thought I was a "stuck up, snotty, bitch" in those exact words! I KNOW!! ME, stuck up, snotty and a bitch, that's like a trifecta or something. But now that we're on the other end of the judgement stick they see that I'm this "normal" person who has at least 31 different sides, most of which they haven't even scratched the surface of getting to. Ya'll remember that whole Wall of China reference, yea. CL is really funny and has caused more than a share of thought provoking moments for me. I don't know if they appreciate being blog fodder but hey, I have to write about something and they even suggest the topic so maybe they secretly want to see themselves exposed to the world wide web. I think this bullseye is even deeper than popping up on an IM at the exact moment that a co-worker comes into their office but that's not for this blog, but I will say, one day we're going to laugh while we look back on this blog when we've fully conquered my wall and their status quo and remember how I said on April fools of all days, that what we have going on is RIGHT ON TARGET.

Brown..out!

Confessions, good for the soul.

So it's Sunday and I've had a double dose of "church" and I'm feeling a little open bookish and since I didn't really have anything to blog about specifically these randomly speaking blogs are usually pretty entertaining (to me). So, in no particular order or without any rhyme or reason here are some of my confessions (cue Usher in the background..lol)


1) I really need a vacation. I was asked to go on a trip with some "friends" but I really really really don't want to go anywhere with them. I'm trying to come up with a tactful way to say thanks but no thanks. I think I'll actually just be honest and say I'm going home that weekend and plan to well, go home and see the fam.

2) I LOVE my life. I don't necessarily love all of the ups and downs that I tend to go through at times, but I live a FANTABULOUS life. It's ok to be jealous of it ha ha. I hear a lot of different situations that some of my friends go through with their lives and I'm absolutely grateful to be where I am in this time of my life. Single, childless and all.

3) I always say I'm not a writer, but I think there is a writer in me. I guess there has to be one since I write grants for a semi-living. I tested out of a lot of English so I didn't really have much "writing" training back in undergrad, maybe that's why I don't fancy myself to be one, but sometimes I read the stuff I write and go wow, that's not bad at all, and ask, who wrote that? ha ha

4) I'm sitting at the coffee shop with no headphones and the "humming" of the drink machine is really starting to bother me. Which is odd considering the reason I leave my "quiet" house to get work done is because I like the background noise of the coffee shop. Ok, that's a half truth, I do like the background noise, but I also like to watch the handsome goodlookings that sometimes frequent the shops.

5) My mom is selling Mary Kay **eye rolling** I told her not to count on me to pimp the product. I'm NOT a salesman, at all. I don't have the patience nor the skills to even want to be one. I barely pimp my business www.yourcatalyst.net and that's something that I have a stake in so really, I'll pass on the Mary Kay hustle. Times ain't that bad for the kid.

6) Speaking of piming my business, if I could/would be more disciplined about it, I could expand so much faster than what it's taking me. Part of me is afraid to expand past where I am, but the demand is totally there. It's time for me to seize the day!

7) I have a mad crush on someone. I think they know it, when I'm around them I turn into a 13yr old girl, blushing and crap and twirling my hair and smiling and trying not to sound like a bumbling fool. Whenever the conversations are over, I'm like, who are you??? Crushes are fun.

8) Church was really good today. I like my church a lot.

9) I sometimes think I bite off more than I can handle with my business. I think its part of the not wanting to let anyone down syndrome that I USED to deal with way back when. Most times things fall into place and I get done what needs to be done, but its the getting there part that gives me the blues, whites, and greys man.

10) I miss a lot of my friends.

11) Maintenance on 2 vehicles is NOT the business.

Well, since I'm supposed to be working insteading of blogging let me go and get some work done. Hope everyone has had a great weekend and hope you all have great weeks.

Brown..out!

Genetics

Looks like this pose is on our DNA :-) My sister sent me these pics last night of my nephew Stan Man. He's so cute! I'm sure it was past his bedtime but that's a whole nother converstation. I think Stan Man will be hanging with me this summer so it should be interesting how that goes. The Auntourage will definitely be in full effect. I got a brief feeling of what it was like to have him full time a few months ago, but that was only for a few weeks, 3 months is a long time in my mind. We'll see if those plans eally happens though. I'm sure we'd have a grand ole time, kicking it! or he'll leave hating me ha ha

Brown..out!

Funny Pic Friday...

I think I'll start a new "tradition" up in this here lil blog. I come across a lot of different pics throughout my day when I'm perusing the net and doing "research" for work related projects. I came across this pic on a message board that I'm on and I thought it was HIGHLARIOUS way back in November when it was first posted and I just came across it again and it gets the honor of being the 1st pic for the 1st Funny pic Friday. And since I brought my spirituality into this blog a few days ago it's kind of fitting, so without further adeu (or however you spell it)

Lol...I hope everyone has a great weekend and has as gorgeous weather has I'm having on this 1st day of Spring! Geaux Tigers beat the Tar Heels on Sat!!!

Brown..out!

Missed connection

I have a lot of degrees. I'm not saying that in a braggadocios kinda way, it's just the truth. Most folks like to tease me about that little fact, but most folks don't know that there is one degree that got away from me. For a long long long time I thought I would go to seminary school and get a theology degree and kinda transition to maybe doing full time ministry somewhere. No lie. I don't know what happened along the way, well, yes I do, I chose to finish my MBA and pursue my business career instead and put seminary on the backburner. I don't know if I would consider myself a theology school drop out, but I surely didn't go forth and get the formal education in how ministry works and all that good stuff like I anticipated. I haven't talked much about my spiritual life in this blog, don't know why, just haven't, much like I don't get into too much of my "real" personal life. There are moments where I'm an open book and other moments it's like the great wall of China is protecting "ME" and I'm all isolated with my own thoughts, fears, issues, emotions, problems, defeats, wins, etc etc. I had or have a pretty solid relationship with God (Jesus/Holy Spirit) but the last few years I've slowly back tracked on the things that formed my solid foundation, like prayer, bible reading, accountability to authority to some degree and I've allowed myself to not only compromise on some things but also justify my actions that deep down I know a few years ago I would've never allowed to happen.

I think back and wonder if I would do those things had I gone forth and moved forward with seminary school. I been in a fairly weird place emotionally for me. Been dealing with some personal issues that I think have been the main catalyst for me not sleeping well and having headaches. I don't "feel" stressed and I don't think I am it's just that I've never been great at dealing with personal issues, especially expressing them outwardly to others. I do eventually, but it takes me a while, remember that whole wall of China reference from before. I was rattled in my psyche about a situation that I thought I was in a fairly good position about, things were flowing smooth, it was butterflies and puppies and then like a fat diamond rock (oh the irony), it changed and I was knocked off my game. Like everything I "thought" was right was now being questioned in my mind and was now making me doubtful, insecure and walking around with my heart on my sleeve, that ain't me! I don't do insecure. It's amazing how expressing yourself can relieve so much uneasiness, even if it turns out that you're completely making something out of nothing, which is my typical mantra, and was more so the case in this situation than there being something "wrong".

My spiritual life has suffered because of some of the choices I've made over the last few years, but I'm always brought back and reminded one way or another that even though I may think I'm not where I should be, others still have faith in me and come to me when their own situations lead them to someone they know who can comfort them, give them sound advice, and that they trust and that they see as "spiritual" Maybe I didn't "need" the seminary to lead the ministry lifestyle and it's just a missed connection. And the relationship that I've built to walk on the "right" side of the fence is enough and I should learn to forgive myself for things that I can't go back and change and to remember that I'll never know who sees me as Angie the bible thumper, even at those times where I just feel like a seminary drop out.

Brown...out!

Blogger down..

That picture is funny as hell to me! Ya'll can act like you didn't laugh or at least remember a moment where you were in a theater and black folks started talking to the screen or each other for that matter. I thought it was funny, but that's just me, it's ok white people who read my blog, ya'll can think its funny too and laugh!

I don't know what's gotten into me. As of late, I'll start a blog and won't finish it. I don't know if I'm not pleased with the content of the blog or if it's just something that I thought I wanted to blog about but then later changed my mind, or maybe it's just that I've been too (lazy) busy to really focus on the blog like I used too. It's been an up and down month of March and it's only the 10th or 11th or something. When I get too much free time, my mind starts to do weird things, like think of a whole new career change complete with relocation and EVERYTHING..at least I'm thorough in my breakdowns. I cover all aspects. As of the 11th I'm not moving, not that I had anything concrete set up, but I did go as far as contacting my realtor to get a market analysis of the housing market in my area, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have sold my house because a) If I changed my mind, I would want to come back and have a place to live; b) the market isn't all "that" great right now; c) I love my house!; d) the $ amount the realtor told me wasn't all that impressive, to me, so, I'm back to finding my way back to being content where I am for the moment.

I think alot of me being all over the place does have some to do with the fact that I'm not in a serious relationship right now. I'm convinced that I'll be single forever. Most days I'm ok with that notion because I live a fabulous life that I don't really have to share unless I want to. There is something about having that special someone to share moments with but at the same time there are moments when you want to shank that special someone because they were acting special in a moment..lol, kinda like the moment I had right before lunch. Talk about being pissed!!!

Not sure where I'm going with this blog post today, except to say I'm still out here. I have all of these blogs that I need to finish and post. I hope in the next few weeks/days/months or whatever my actions will begin to reflect my internal desire to keep this blog updated. You readers hold me accountible to this post, if I don't have anything I know I have my word and Rockstar!!

Brown..out!