Chicago...MY kinda town..

Back to the Windy City I go. I like visiting Chicago, no way I'd ever live there though. It's a great town, with many activities, great sporting events, well, good sporting events..lol, great museums and festivals, my friends there are cool, but uh, I don't do snow for months at a time. NO way jose'! I'll be there for a few days later this week to attend a Bridal Shower and a baby shower and no, it's not for the same person Hey, it happens that way so I'm not wrong to clarify..The "Taste of Chicago" will be going on this weekend so I think we're going to take in some of that which is kinda cool. I haven't been to a big festival in such a long time. I hope the weather holds up and it doesn't rain. There really isn't a big agenda for the weekend with the exception of the 2 showers, one of which I still need to get a gift and both of which I need to find outfits..ugh..why didn't I do this earlier?? oh yea, because I've met ME...

I was semi-confused with the Bridal shower because her invite had her wedding registry on it but I always thought that for Bridal showers you did something a little more "fun" if you know what I mean. This particular bride isn't the lingerie to bed type but maybe if other bought it she would wear it, maybe, I don't know. I just don't want to show up with some fine china or something when I should've had some edible panties I think I may just get something off the registry for etiquette purposes and then a 'fun' gift for just in case purposes. The bride is a hoot! so whatever she gets she's going to enjoy I'm sure. The baby shower is much easier to shop for, I mean it's a new mom/dad and they need everything, so anything off the registry is good.

I think I love registries. Well the non-shopper in me loves registries, just tell me what you want, saves me and you time and energy. I go into the store, pick something up, pay and leave instead of going into the store, thinking about whether or not you'd actually like the gift or whether you'd return it. The next best thing to a registry is GIFT CARDS! I know they're just so impersonable, but oh so convenient for ME. I'm a convenience whore.. did I just say that ...anyway, I'm looking forward to the Windy City, getting away for a few days. I almost forgot about fishy too! This is my first trip out of town since I got him. I was wondering if I could just leave him for 4 days or so and if he'd still live. Probably not and since I like this fish and the person who gave me said fish, I've made arrangements for a fish sitter. Live on fishy, live on! Aight, I need to be a lil more productive than I have been thus far as the jizzob.

Brown, out!

Question...

That is all. :-)

Relax, it's just my life...

It's just not that serious. That's what I tell myself when I'm convincing myself to get over something. It's just not that serious. That often does the trick because in reality it really isn't that serious. Like, my life really isn't in shambles, I don't need to be in therapy (again), I did need to delete a few folks from MYspace who were only here for their own purposes and agendas, I do need to stop making things out to be so serious when in reality, they're not. I don't know why I get like this every few months. I get all nostaglic and reflective and end up derailing myself for nothing because at the end of the day I always come to the conclusion that, nothing is wrong and that I need to chill out and stop making mountains out of mole hills. Not having all of the answers is not going to be the end of the world, if anything having answers will make matters worse because I'd be trying to be sure that I was on the right track and stressing about doing this or that to get there.

I however didn't make up the weird place, it was weird and I was hanging in limbo letting my own thoughts get the best of me. Even though the outcome wasn't the best and saddens me a bit, it surely isn't the worst case scenario and I understand the why behind it all. I'm more relieved to 'know' in this case what the deal is because it gets me out of my own head. Living in my head is worse than the outcome, I am my own worst mental enemy, that I do know.

Anyway, my note to self after many looks in the mirror and seeing my reflection is that it's really just not that serious. Relax, it's just my life. The good, the bad, the ugly.

Brown...out!

(and when I'm having a meltdown in 3 months just remind me of this blog)

She's come undone....(almost)

My thoughts are driving me crazy consuming me...thoughts of the future, the unknown, the what ifs, how to make 'this' work, how 'this' might not work, what if 'this' is working and it's just at a weird place right now, should I do something or just let the 'weird place' run its course, am I making up this 'weird place' and things are actually fine..is this job really for me, will I ever be finished with school??? Even when I'm sleeping I'm thinking and when I wake up I'm thinking. When I really need to be working or doing homework thinking my 'other' thoughts are getting in the way. I wish I could turn my brain off and just not think about EVERYTHING...I keep saying, one day at a time, one situation at a time, one moment at at time but I can't help but look forward and not so much try to predict the future but to just be in the know to attempt to get a handle on everything and have an idea of how I'm going to come out to the other side with my mental/emotional self still in tact.

It feels like I'm holding on with the help of some duct tape, like the wheels are about to come off...all together yet so unwound, the chaos of my mind is to the point of overflowing. I sound like I'm stressed but in my mind I'm really not. Meaning I've had to put up and deal with more at one time than this stuff. I guess the nature of the 'stuff' is what makes me feel like this. Some 'stuff' is just more important than other 'stuff'. If I can get past these feelings of insecurity of who I am and what I'm doing or not doing uncertainty regarding some situations I know I'd be feeling better. I am one person, with one mind, with knowledge to do what I need to get done...not to be consumed by my own thoughts or the unknown and if 'this' is supposed to be then it will be, right? I need a hug and words saying everything is ok to get over it and get it together. Who is this insecure, "intense" drama queen person writing this blog??

unknown out!

People that get on my nerves Pt.1

Oh the life of singledom. Don't get me wrong I am content in my single life and don't often whine complain about not being in a relationship. I've browsed a few of the dating 'networking' sites and have been having a grand ole time laughing at some of the profiles and seeing why some of these fellas don't have dates. I've also gone on a few dates and some them have made this blog, some of this stuff is just people that annoy me..

Whiners and Criers

Seriously, if you're whining and crying in your profile about how you're such a great catch and how women just don't get you, yada yada yada, that's probably not the right or smart way to get someone to give a damn about you send you a connection email or a 'wink'. Man up punk and stop whining and crying. At least fake the funk,(I have Brad Paisley's song Online in mind) it is online and you can be who you want to be, or should I commend you for just putting it right out there that you're a whiny punk. I'm not a fan of whiners and criers in general either so it's not limited to just online profile reading. I can only take so much especially if I KNOW that someone created the problem that they're now whining about, they gets NO LOVE from the kid. I'll tell someone to Man or Wo(man) up in a heart beat!! Don't believe me, come around me whining about some BS, i'll show you..

Never give up'ers

Guy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: No
Guy: Come on, go out with me?
Girl: No thanks.
Guy: You'll have fun, I promise!
Girl: Punk, didn't you just hear me say NO?

Please, please, please! I've said no, leave me alone! If you think I'm missing out on something, then guess what?!? It's my own damned fault! More than likely I'm not missing out on anything since you feel like you have to beg in the first place.

You Owe Me an Explanation'ers

Guy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: No
Guy: Why?
Girl: Because I don't want to.
Guy: But why? Am I unattractive, does my breath smell, am I too short? What is it?
Girl: Yes, all of the above. You're ugly, your breath smells like ass, and you're so short you'd get mistaken for my little brother that I don't have. So, let's recap. You're an ASS!!!

If you ask me out and I say no, I don't owe you an explanation. I don't owe you jack! Just take your rejection like a man and keep it movin'. Does categorizing your rejection make it any less of a rejection? I don't think so. I'll tell you this. The few times I've approached a man, if he said no, you did not see me standing around asking why. For one, rejection doesn't feel too good. With me, it kinda stings, so I need to go nurse my wounds...somewhere ELSE. Two, I don't need to know why! I don't want to know why, it might make me want to go jump off a sidewalk and hurt myself or something. Three, the person that rejected me might actually feel bad about it and they want my ass to go somewhere else too! So go! Git!

Loud Talkers

Shut the hell up! Why must you be so LOUD? I used to know someone that was so loud on the phone I had to hold the phone away from my ear while they were talking. They were so loud in public that people would tell them to shhhh!! Can some people no hear themselves and moderate their tone. Use your insdie voice! You're at a 10 and I need you at a 4..Then there are those people that stand outside my office and have loud conversations. Shut the hell up! Don't nobody wanna hear all your boring business! I'm trying to work but can't concentrate for hearing your voice droning on and on loudly. And it just so happens that on the days that I do wanna hear their business, those chumps are whispering. Go figure!

Bill Collectors 'ers

Sometimes, you nasty collection people (I tried to type that with as much venom as possible, but I don't think it carried), you really do have the WRONG number.

Nasty Collection Person 1: Hello, May I speak with Debra Smith?
Me: You have the wrong number.
Nasty Collection Person 1: This isn't 225-555-7289?
Me: Yes, it is, but my name isn't Debra Smith and no one by that name lives here
Nasty Collection Person 1: Ok, thank you.

Me: Hello?
Nasy Collection Person: Mrs. Smith, this is Nancy from Bill Collection America and I need to speak with you in regards to a debt you owe to We Know You Can't Really Afford This Crap But We'll Loan You The Money Anyway Credit Company.
Me: Didn't you just call 5 minutes ago? I told you that you had the wrong number.
Nasty Collection Person 1: Ms. Smith, you really need to talk to me. If you don't, I'll be forced to...
Me: Damn you lady, my name ain't nowhere near Debra or Smith. Quit calling me.

The next day when I got home from work, there were 3 messages from Nasty Collection Persons 2, & 3 on my voicemail. One even began his message with, "Hey Deb! This is Roger, give me a call back, k? 1-800..." like he and Deb shoot marbles and and just that cool! ha ha ha The next one he left basically told Debra that she was only making her life more difficult by avoiding him. Poor Deb sounds like she's in a whirl of financial trouble.

I'm Looking For a Women 'ers

Irregular Plurals. Here, cut these out and make yourself some flash cards.

Oh. My. Jesus. These dudes are KILLING me with that crap. It's woman!! W-O-M-A-N!! You're looking for a woman, not a women.

Woman is singular. Women is plural.

A womAn:

Some womEn:

Either you're looking for one WOMAN or you're looking for several WOMEN, and in that case you'd be looking for more than one WOMAN. You'll never, ever, ever be looking for a WOMEN. Ok? Please say ok. Ya'll are killing me. It's an epidemic. I find myself strolling through profiles gritting my teeth, restraining myself from sending nasty e-mails screaming, "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A WOMEN!!!!" If you have, "I'm looking for a women...", Or "I'm interested in woman..." on your profile, go correct that mess RIGHT now. For real. Close this blog, and go edit your profile. You ain't even gotta leave me a cnnment just go, quickly. If you need help, I'll help you, but so help me God, if you're on my friends list and I find out you've got that mess on a profile on your page, this woman is gonna delete you. I'm not playin'!! Yep, it's that crucial.

I'm sure I could go on and on about other people that annoy me and get on my nervers but today that's that made the cut. What kinda people get on your nerves?

Brown..out!

Emotional debacle in the making...

Today has been a bad day. Let me clarify, a bad emotional day. I'm not one who deals with her emotions well and I have a tendency to take out my lack of ability to express myself frustrations on those around me, more specifically those who are in my inner circle. I'm often flabergasted at my inability to communicate my emotions, I don't get it. I can get up in front of millionaires, high corporate executives, kids, old people, pets, you name it and speak. I'm not one who has a fear of public speaking, it's not my favorite thing to do but I can do it, but for the life of me I don't know why I suck, for lack of a better word at talking about my feelings. My stomach is in knots right now because I think I've swallowed down so much emotions lately that they are jacking up my insides. If I were only able to say what I want to say when "Gail"(Shun) asks, what's wrong with you? or are you ok? My answer is always always, I'm good or I don't want to talk about it and most of the time I'm not "that" good and I do want to talk about it, kinda sorta but not really. I think she can tell and just let's it go. Maybe it's timing or maybe it's fear or maybe I just don't want to 'whine' about situations especially when I know there are more 'important' and pressing issues. I always figure that I'll get over whatever it is that I'm (not) dealing with at the moment and most of the times I do get over it, but today is a bad day. I'm 2 seconds from busting out in tears in CC's and instead of finishing paper number 2 that I have to turn in tonight I'm mentally clouded and trying to center my thoughts so that I can just get through this paper, go home, shower and go to bed.

Inevitably, someone will ask if I'm ok and sadly the answer will still be "I'm good." I have to find a better way of dealing with my own emotions and not projecting them on others. I've always known it wasn't a good thing to do or the right thing, or the mature thing but somehow I always end up doing that and hurting the person on the receiving end when they have nothing to do with my own turmoil. Guess the cliche' mysery loves company is true, but that's really not my intentions either, I don't know why I do what I do, but I do know that I've got to do something about all this bottled and pent up emotions or else I'm going to have my own emotional debacle nd say/do something else that I'm going to regret. I do know that I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE feeling like this. HATE.IT.

Bah humbug....out!

For all you..

people that have PETA on speed dial..fishy is still alive and I changed his water today...I hope he makes it through the night..isn't that usually when they go to fishy heaven, when the water is changed..I guess I should've waited to post this tomorrow..

Brown..out!

New addition to the 2222H family..

This is the new addition for the moment named APPOLLEAUX!!!

Here "he" is looking a little sharkish...

and blue is so my favorite color!!!

So how did I acquire this new soon to be dead animal addition..well, I'd been whining talking about wanting one for a while now. I don't know why I wanted it, just to have because I'm a spoiled brat it I suppose and well yesterday a friend of mine came by the house and low and behold, "Fishy" was in tow!! I'm not sure how long "fishy" will survive I hope he last longer than my last one though. I was young and in college and forgot about him due to all of the drinking..lol, now I'm older and still may forget about him due to my lazy tendencies, but I hope not. It was a very special gift from a very special person! Who knew that during my 5 min of fame I would be "heard"...

Brown...out!(b/c I need to go buy fishy food)..lol