Confessions, good for the soul.

So it's Sunday and I've had a double dose of "church" and I'm feeling a little open bookish and since I didn't really have anything to blog about specifically these randomly speaking blogs are usually pretty entertaining (to me). So, in no particular order or without any rhyme or reason here are some of my confessions (cue Usher in the background..lol)


1) I really need a vacation. I was asked to go on a trip with some "friends" but I really really really don't want to go anywhere with them. I'm trying to come up with a tactful way to say thanks but no thanks. I think I'll actually just be honest and say I'm going home that weekend and plan to well, go home and see the fam.

2) I LOVE my life. I don't necessarily love all of the ups and downs that I tend to go through at times, but I live a FANTABULOUS life. It's ok to be jealous of it ha ha. I hear a lot of different situations that some of my friends go through with their lives and I'm absolutely grateful to be where I am in this time of my life. Single, childless and all.

3) I always say I'm not a writer, but I think there is a writer in me. I guess there has to be one since I write grants for a semi-living. I tested out of a lot of English so I didn't really have much "writing" training back in undergrad, maybe that's why I don't fancy myself to be one, but sometimes I read the stuff I write and go wow, that's not bad at all, and ask, who wrote that? ha ha

4) I'm sitting at the coffee shop with no headphones and the "humming" of the drink machine is really starting to bother me. Which is odd considering the reason I leave my "quiet" house to get work done is because I like the background noise of the coffee shop. Ok, that's a half truth, I do like the background noise, but I also like to watch the handsome goodlookings that sometimes frequent the shops.

5) My mom is selling Mary Kay **eye rolling** I told her not to count on me to pimp the product. I'm NOT a salesman, at all. I don't have the patience nor the skills to even want to be one. I barely pimp my business www.yourcatalyst.net and that's something that I have a stake in so really, I'll pass on the Mary Kay hustle. Times ain't that bad for the kid.

6) Speaking of piming my business, if I could/would be more disciplined about it, I could expand so much faster than what it's taking me. Part of me is afraid to expand past where I am, but the demand is totally there. It's time for me to seize the day!

7) I have a mad crush on someone. I think they know it, when I'm around them I turn into a 13yr old girl, blushing and crap and twirling my hair and smiling and trying not to sound like a bumbling fool. Whenever the conversations are over, I'm like, who are you??? Crushes are fun.

8) Church was really good today. I like my church a lot.

9) I sometimes think I bite off more than I can handle with my business. I think its part of the not wanting to let anyone down syndrome that I USED to deal with way back when. Most times things fall into place and I get done what needs to be done, but its the getting there part that gives me the blues, whites, and greys man.

10) I miss a lot of my friends.

11) Maintenance on 2 vehicles is NOT the business.

Well, since I'm supposed to be working insteading of blogging let me go and get some work done. Hope everyone has had a great weekend and hope you all have great weeks.

Brown..out!

Genetics

Looks like this pose is on our DNA :-) My sister sent me these pics last night of my nephew Stan Man. He's so cute! I'm sure it was past his bedtime but that's a whole nother converstation. I think Stan Man will be hanging with me this summer so it should be interesting how that goes. The Auntourage will definitely be in full effect. I got a brief feeling of what it was like to have him full time a few months ago, but that was only for a few weeks, 3 months is a long time in my mind. We'll see if those plans eally happens though. I'm sure we'd have a grand ole time, kicking it! or he'll leave hating me ha ha

Brown..out!

Funny Pic Friday...

I think I'll start a new "tradition" up in this here lil blog. I come across a lot of different pics throughout my day when I'm perusing the net and doing "research" for work related projects. I came across this pic on a message board that I'm on and I thought it was HIGHLARIOUS way back in November when it was first posted and I just came across it again and it gets the honor of being the 1st pic for the 1st Funny pic Friday. And since I brought my spirituality into this blog a few days ago it's kind of fitting, so without further adeu (or however you spell it)

Lol...I hope everyone has a great weekend and has as gorgeous weather has I'm having on this 1st day of Spring! Geaux Tigers beat the Tar Heels on Sat!!!

Brown..out!

Missed connection

I have a lot of degrees. I'm not saying that in a braggadocios kinda way, it's just the truth. Most folks like to tease me about that little fact, but most folks don't know that there is one degree that got away from me. For a long long long time I thought I would go to seminary school and get a theology degree and kinda transition to maybe doing full time ministry somewhere. No lie. I don't know what happened along the way, well, yes I do, I chose to finish my MBA and pursue my business career instead and put seminary on the backburner. I don't know if I would consider myself a theology school drop out, but I surely didn't go forth and get the formal education in how ministry works and all that good stuff like I anticipated. I haven't talked much about my spiritual life in this blog, don't know why, just haven't, much like I don't get into too much of my "real" personal life. There are moments where I'm an open book and other moments it's like the great wall of China is protecting "ME" and I'm all isolated with my own thoughts, fears, issues, emotions, problems, defeats, wins, etc etc. I had or have a pretty solid relationship with God (Jesus/Holy Spirit) but the last few years I've slowly back tracked on the things that formed my solid foundation, like prayer, bible reading, accountability to authority to some degree and I've allowed myself to not only compromise on some things but also justify my actions that deep down I know a few years ago I would've never allowed to happen.

I think back and wonder if I would do those things had I gone forth and moved forward with seminary school. I been in a fairly weird place emotionally for me. Been dealing with some personal issues that I think have been the main catalyst for me not sleeping well and having headaches. I don't "feel" stressed and I don't think I am it's just that I've never been great at dealing with personal issues, especially expressing them outwardly to others. I do eventually, but it takes me a while, remember that whole wall of China reference from before. I was rattled in my psyche about a situation that I thought I was in a fairly good position about, things were flowing smooth, it was butterflies and puppies and then like a fat diamond rock (oh the irony), it changed and I was knocked off my game. Like everything I "thought" was right was now being questioned in my mind and was now making me doubtful, insecure and walking around with my heart on my sleeve, that ain't me! I don't do insecure. It's amazing how expressing yourself can relieve so much uneasiness, even if it turns out that you're completely making something out of nothing, which is my typical mantra, and was more so the case in this situation than there being something "wrong".

My spiritual life has suffered because of some of the choices I've made over the last few years, but I'm always brought back and reminded one way or another that even though I may think I'm not where I should be, others still have faith in me and come to me when their own situations lead them to someone they know who can comfort them, give them sound advice, and that they trust and that they see as "spiritual" Maybe I didn't "need" the seminary to lead the ministry lifestyle and it's just a missed connection. And the relationship that I've built to walk on the "right" side of the fence is enough and I should learn to forgive myself for things that I can't go back and change and to remember that I'll never know who sees me as Angie the bible thumper, even at those times where I just feel like a seminary drop out.

Brown...out!

Blogger down..

That picture is funny as hell to me! Ya'll can act like you didn't laugh or at least remember a moment where you were in a theater and black folks started talking to the screen or each other for that matter. I thought it was funny, but that's just me, it's ok white people who read my blog, ya'll can think its funny too and laugh!

I don't know what's gotten into me. As of late, I'll start a blog and won't finish it. I don't know if I'm not pleased with the content of the blog or if it's just something that I thought I wanted to blog about but then later changed my mind, or maybe it's just that I've been too (lazy) busy to really focus on the blog like I used too. It's been an up and down month of March and it's only the 10th or 11th or something. When I get too much free time, my mind starts to do weird things, like think of a whole new career change complete with relocation and EVERYTHING..at least I'm thorough in my breakdowns. I cover all aspects. As of the 11th I'm not moving, not that I had anything concrete set up, but I did go as far as contacting my realtor to get a market analysis of the housing market in my area, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have sold my house because a) If I changed my mind, I would want to come back and have a place to live; b) the market isn't all "that" great right now; c) I love my house!; d) the $ amount the realtor told me wasn't all that impressive, to me, so, I'm back to finding my way back to being content where I am for the moment.

I think alot of me being all over the place does have some to do with the fact that I'm not in a serious relationship right now. I'm convinced that I'll be single forever. Most days I'm ok with that notion because I live a fabulous life that I don't really have to share unless I want to. There is something about having that special someone to share moments with but at the same time there are moments when you want to shank that special someone because they were acting special in a moment..lol, kinda like the moment I had right before lunch. Talk about being pissed!!!

Not sure where I'm going with this blog post today, except to say I'm still out here. I have all of these blogs that I need to finish and post. I hope in the next few weeks/days/months or whatever my actions will begin to reflect my internal desire to keep this blog updated. You readers hold me accountible to this post, if I don't have anything I know I have my word and Rockstar!!

Brown..out!