She's come undone....(almost)

My thoughts are driving me crazy consuming me...thoughts of the future, the unknown, the what ifs, how to make 'this' work, how 'this' might not work, what if 'this' is working and it's just at a weird place right now, should I do something or just let the 'weird place' run its course, am I making up this 'weird place' and things are actually fine..is this job really for me, will I ever be finished with school??? Even when I'm sleeping I'm thinking and when I wake up I'm thinking. When I really need to be working or doing homework thinking my 'other' thoughts are getting in the way. I wish I could turn my brain off and just not think about EVERYTHING...I keep saying, one day at a time, one situation at a time, one moment at at time but I can't help but look forward and not so much try to predict the future but to just be in the know to attempt to get a handle on everything and have an idea of how I'm going to come out to the other side with my mental/emotional self still in tact.

It feels like I'm holding on with the help of some duct tape, like the wheels are about to come off...all together yet so unwound, the chaos of my mind is to the point of overflowing. I sound like I'm stressed but in my mind I'm really not. Meaning I've had to put up and deal with more at one time than this stuff. I guess the nature of the 'stuff' is what makes me feel like this. Some 'stuff' is just more important than other 'stuff'. If I can get past these feelings of insecurity of who I am and what I'm doing or not doing uncertainty regarding some situations I know I'd be feeling better. I am one person, with one mind, with knowledge to do what I need to get done...not to be consumed by my own thoughts or the unknown and if 'this' is supposed to be then it will be, right? I need a hug and words saying everything is ok to get over it and get it together. Who is this insecure, "intense" drama queen person writing this blog??

unknown out!