Prodigal child returns

**taps mic**

**coughs**

Is...is this thing on..

** coughs**

**blows off the dust that has gathered in the box**

Wow. It has been way too long since I wrote a blog. My life has been topsyturvey and is kinda sorta getting back to right side up. Whenever I try and wallow in my own issues, I'm pulled into a "take charge" role and have to care for someone else and put me on the backburner. I guess that's good that I don't have selfwallowing moments for long, but damn, if I can't have like 5 minutes of woe is me! When will I be allowed to not be the care taker but the care takee?? I know I'm just a bit frustrated and venting, but for someone who doesn't have any offsprings I sure do a lot of responsible actions for people who did not reside inside of me for 9 months. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be where I am in life to be able to do for others and glad that others see me as someone that they can rely on in their time of troubles, but it gets taxing, mainly because I don't always feel as though I have anyone there for me in my taxing moments. I've had that feeling for years so I'm convinced it's an "it's not you, it's ME" kinda problem.

I am terribly simple and terribly complex at the same time.

I am in a "neutral" position with my personal life, not moving forward and kinda moving backwards if I can be honest with myself. It surely wasn't my idea to pump the brakes and go into this position, but I'm rolling with the flow. It's just a weird, semi-awkward position to be in. Not knowing what is good to say and what is crossing the neutral zone. I know this is a temporary fix, a band aid of sorts. I just hope my emotions don't go into a complete reverse position.

Things are crazy at my job. There are talks of "restructuring" so amist the tension of everyday life goings, there's tension at the job, but we're to carry on with business as usual. Yea right! I want to believe and have every sense of security that my position is secure and don't want to bail ship prematurely, but I also don't want to have a false sense of security and go down with a sinking ship, what a quandry to be in! I would feel better if the management above my pay grade had more information than what they have shared, they seem to be just as clueless as to what is going to happen as we do, since the evaluations are being done by outside individuals. We'll see. Either way, I'll be fine. Scared, but still fine.

Brown...out!